Guidelines for the Holidays, Part II (on reasons to NOT take the train)

Estoy: The same as I was last time.
Currently reading: See above. Okay, I don’t read that fast, especially when I’m typing.

Due to the extremely long nature of this list, I decided to split it up. So here’s the next segment.

Number One¹: Whatever you do, whomever you’re visiting, and wherever you’re going, DO NOT take the train. Let me repeat this for those you less intelligent readers²: DO NOT take the train. Get it? Got it? Good. My family has been taking it to Minnesota each Christmas for three years now³, and not one of those years has it actually been on time. Also, we’re not exactly close to the train—the nearest depot is a good five hours away. At least, it is with my dad driving. He drives slowly. Anyhow, back to the train: It may be slightly faster than regular travel since it goes 79 miles per hour⁴ and only stops about once an hour for 15 minutes⁵, but it gets old very fast. Sure, the seats are a lot bigger than airplane ones and yeah, they have more foot room, but after five hours of sitting, your butt gets reeeeaaaally sore. The bathrooms on the train are insanely small⁶, the water has issues⁷, and the food is way too overpriced⁸. I had to deal with this for about 18 hours…and if you can do math, then you know that it is fairly impossible for a person to go 18 hours without sleep⁹. Well, not unless you’re a Meth addict, drink way too many energy drinks, or are having a sleepover. But the first two, I don’t do, and the latter is next to impossible on the train. If, by some misfortune¹⁰, you have to take the train, make sure you bring your own pillow. I had mine, but many people on the train were left pillow-less after the attendants at Chicago forgot to give us pillow covers. Secondly, if you’re spending a night on the train, try to be next to someone you now. I was next to a random lady on the way there¹¹, and it’s hard to try to not do embarrassing things when you’re asleep. I think I did okay on that one, though. As I mentioned earlier, our train has been late for the past three years. Third time’s the charm? Not so much. Unless you want to count the fact that it wasn’t as late this year—only 2 or 3 hours—but that’d be stretching it. You know, there’s only so many ways you can amuse yourself if you’re in a small town that you’ve had plenty of time to explore in the past two years. Make that too much time to explore. One year, I think it was last year actually, there was some accident further up the route were an engine braked so hard to avoid hitting a car that it flattened one of its wheels¹². A new engine had to be brought in, which delayed the train. Unfortunately, all they could get was a freight engine, which apparently can’t go as fast as an Amtrak one. The time they got to our station, they were somewhere between 5 and 7 hours behind. By the time we got to our destination, 11 hours. When you get off schedule, you have to yield to everything that’s on schedule and that sets you back even more. And that, my readers, is why, even though flying may be an expensive hassle, it is still better than the train. Until next time…
xxx
Caryn

¹ First, just to get this out of the way, no this was not there to help you with your number skills. Two points if you knew that and are therefore down here wasting your time by reading that last sentence. But, as I was going to say, it is there simply because I felt like pointing out that, since I’m feeling a bit Max-like right now, this is also numero uno! Two points as well if you know who Max is. And if you haven’t gotten many points so far…brush up, my reader. Brush up.
² Which of course we don’t have any of. Right?
³ Ever since flying got to be such an expensive hassle…
⁴ Which is faster at least than my dad drives.
⁷⁹ Okay, now this is a freebie: two points if you noticed this only cause it’s in between 4 and 5 and not because you looked down here after reading the number 79.
⁵ Okay, so maybe for normal people, driving is faster now that I look at it…
⁶ they always make me hope that no fat people are aboard; they might get stuck…that’s how small they are.
⁷ Of course it does, it’s stored in a tank under the train.
⁸ We’re talking like, 22 dollar meals here. And they’re not even gourmet!
⁹ Another two points if you came to the same conclusion.
¹⁰ i.e., your parents make you
¹¹ Because for some odd reason, my dad wouldn’t let Diana (my sister) and I sit together.
¹² I’m afraid the same thing happened to the car…life lesson number 1: do not try to cross the track when a train is coming really fast.

Guidelines for the Holidays, Part I (on proper gift giving)

Estoy¹: Thoughtful
Currently Reading: Click, by Linda Sue Park et al. 4/5. All royalties go to Amnesty International!

Okay, everyone, I am back! I’m extremely sorry for the long lapse between posts, but you know how hectic things get at the holidays! Especially if you happen to be traveling with a sadistic dad and a slightly annoying sister who can be bossy and a nag. But enough about that. I hope everyone had a great holiday bread and is rejuvenated and ready to go back to school. I am! Not. Well, just for your sake (and partly to keep me from going crazy²), I have compiled the list of holiday guidelines: A list of everything³ you should and should not do during the holiday season. Enjoy!

Number One: DO have presents wrapped for everyone you’re giving them to at least two days before the deadline of gift exchange. You should have the presents bought as soon as you can, and no less than a week before they are to be given. While this may sound like a hard thing to do for my fellow procrastinators out there, it will also save you from the last-minute rush before Christmas. It will also prevent you from staying up late the night before wrapping everyone’s presents. Due to my extreme amount of stress during the holidays, I will be doing this one next year.
Number Two: DO figure out who all is giving you presents, if possible. Obviously, you will know if your besties are giving you presents⁴, I’m talking about the people whom you are only good friends with and are probably not on your list⁵. If someone else asks you what you want for Christmas, take the hint and ask them as well. On another note, make sure everyone who will be receiving a present from you knows. I like to do this with the obvious, “Hey, [insert name here], what do you want for Christmas?” I like it. Simple, easy to remember⁶. Or maybe that would be ‘to the point.’ Ah, well. You can’t have everything. Back on topic, another way to insure that no one gets embarrassed by not having a present for you is to bring them a bit early. I did this this year, and I think I saved a friend from feeling bad⁷. This way, they can do the whole “I’m bringing presents on Friday, so you’ll get yours then” deal, leaving the giver (aka you) completely unsuspecting that a present is not prepared for them yet⁸.
Number Three: DO start making your Christmas list early so you have time to think of everything you want. Trust me, there’s nothing worse than thinking of something after all of your presents have been bought. While this method does not guaranteed that you’ll remember everything, it usually helps you think of more things. And we all know that less is not more, more is more. Elementary grammar there, people. It is also a good idea to make multiple copies of your list in case someone loses it⁹; otherwise, you could be having the problem of having to make your list quickly again. And trust me, you do not want that. Until next time…
xxx
Caryn

¹ A Spanish word meaning, “I am.” Two points if you already knew this.
² Or at least crazy-er. And yes, I know that’s spelled wrong. I was just trying to make a point.
³ Okay, not everything. But at least some things.
⁴ And I sincerely hope that they are…
⁵ Because you probably have about 50 friends like this, if you’re anything like me.
⁶ Two points if you caught that quote! Are you keeping track of your points, by the way?
⁷ No, I won’t tell you who it was. This is supposed to make sure they don’t get embarrassed. That would count as embarrassing.
⁸ Disclaimer: This will only work if they’re fairly good at lying. If they’re a bad liar, it ain’t gonna fly.
⁹ *coughMOMcough*

Christmas Fever

Currently Reading: Undercover (Beth Kephart) YA fiction & romance, 3/5
Mood: Exhilarated

Ah, so it was the Christmas stroll today. For those of you who don’t know what that is (probably most of you), that’s when all the businesses on Main have well…booths and all in the street, there’s other random food venues there, you can do crafts, go Christmas shopping, and take sleigh rides through the park. And, oh yeah, Santa is there. Of course.
So right now, you’re thinking “sounds fun,” aren’t you? Well, yeah, but then factor in the like, 6 degree weather and then the wind chill that probably takes it well below zero. Sounds like frostbite waiting to happen.
The choir that my mom used to direct sang as we walked down Main with Santa and used our “singing power” to light the gigantic arachnoid¹ Christmas trees strung up over the traffic lights…and it took way too long. My mom is good friends with the new director, so she was asked to come and help out. Lucky me got to help too, and I’ll tell you, by the end of the procession, I swear both my feet and hands were encased in blocks of ice. It was that bad. Thankfully, the fire station at the end of the route always has hot chocolate (and we’re talking burn-your-tongue-hot here) and cookies. So I lived.
Earlier today, I went Christmas shopping…and ran a few other errands as well. Man, everywhere we went was incredibly loud and crowded. Ah, Christmas season. Gotta love it, no? Until next time…

xxx
Caryn

¹ resembling a spider's web.